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Biography

I am thirty-one. I have been married for four years. I thought I was eloping to Hawaii, but was lucky enough that forty friends and family members followed us. We don't have children. At first we didn't want them, then we were indifferent, and now we are trying. I have nephews and nieces that I adore, and if someone were to steal my laptop they would think they were mine because I photograph them like they are my own little Shilo Jolie-Pitt.

I have been working as a legal assistant/paralegal for the last two years. I am also in litigation with my first employer because they didn't pay me, so I am both the plaintiff and the paralegal. I don't particularly like lawyers, but on good days I can see some good being done. On bad days I want to take the term "billable hours" and turn into something physical that I can shove up somebody's ass. I quit my last job to work for myself, so right now I contract out my services, which allowed me to stop doing stupid shit like fetching coffee for depositions and start doing more important things like interviewing witnesses. I don't know why I just talked about work that much. I rarely spend much time on it.

Back to my dog! We named him Igby because I had watched the movie "Igby Goes Down" and fell in love with the name, but am not cruel enough to put it on a list of possible names for future children. Solution: dog name. I have never really been a pet person, but I saw him while running errands shortly after my grandmother died, and he seemed like the answer to my broken heart. Indeed he was. His ears are floppy and soft, and he is the kind of dog that follows me to the bathroom and sits next to the toilet while I pee. Endearing and irritating.

My family thinks I am the "writer" of the group, but the truth is I have been terrified to write anything for a long time. Most of it is probably severe psychological issues, but part of it is shame because I didn't pay enough attention to grammar. So if you see grammar mistakes, it is because I smoked pot in high-school, but I swear, I was super smart in college.

My husband works in construction, which means that he is manly and good looking and tough, but the real reason I married him is because when I first kissed his ear it tasted like my thumb did when I was little.

We live in an apartment. My best friend lives in the same complex. I am lucky that way.

I read a lot. We watch a lot of movies. I am a strong supporter of TiVo. I love my Mac. I subscribe to Vanity Fair, MacWorld, Glamour and Mental Floss. I go to the doctor a lot. I used to be really thin and now . . . not so much. Right now I am watching Walk the Line for the third time when I should be cleaning the house or doing something to end poverty. I quit smoking just over a year ago. I started calling my sister Booper Smith when we were 5 and 7, and we all still call her Boop. I don't know why.

She calls me Linny Loo.